


Mortifying Encounters of the Awkward Kind

by AnabielVriskaMars



Series: DaveJade Prompts [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, porn with a plot, prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 10:32:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6075963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnabielVriskaMars/pseuds/AnabielVriskaMars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is the embarassment of shitting your pants in the middle of gum class.</p><p>Having the friend you were fantasising about hear you moan their name is simply mortifying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PsychoPyro813](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychoPyro813/gifts).



> WElcome children.
> 
> This story is part of a DaveJade trade off that I'm having with my wonderful, gorgeous friend, Psychopyro813 from tumblr.

You  _know_ its wrong.

Hell, its  _sick_.

You  _know_ this, but your dreams don't really seem to care.

Its about the fifth time this week that you-ve had those dreams.

Hot.

Steamy.

Dreams.

About Jade.

Its just, god, its  _really hard_ not to, considering that since you came to the beach she pretty much prances in bathing suits that you're not sure where she bought but you-re pretty sure it wasn't the Gap.

You just never really thought about her that way, but now it really struck you in the face.

Jade is hot as fuck.

There is a clusterfuck of Do-Not-enter signs in your head boarding off the area that you ~~totally want to~~ do not need to tread. They're shouting in morse code and 25 different languages that are not  english that you definitely should not go to that place, dammit, cause once you go porn you never come home. There are voices in Swahili and Spanish and Cantonese and you really don't understand what they're saying, mostly because you really,  _really_ don't care.

Its like when you're so hungry you eat a pig's tongue and afterwards you sit quietly in front of your plate and think very seriously about how fucked up what you just did was. 

Not that it's ever happened to you, you know.

The point is that everybody left. There's a concert tonight and they're at the fair, and you honestly didn't feel like going. 

Mostly because you're hot and bothered and you really,  _really_ need to do something if you're gonna have to deal with a jumping, smokin babe who keeps giving you... special dreams.

So you know, preemptive action. Cause that's what you're all about.

You're in your room right now, abut you've got a will of steel, alright? You are  _not_ going to think about her.

You checked the house and its blissfully empty, though you're still gonna aim for silence in case the world decides to fuck you over.

The tissues are ready. The lotion is ready. Your hands are ready.

God knows  _why_ you're so nervous, you've been doing this since you were fucking 11. You are the master of your dick. The king of the junk. The captain of cock.

Please stop thinking about different words for penis. Its unsettling.

You start slow, as always. You remember Terezi at first. You guys had pretty great times, and the sex was better than okay. Not  _mindblowing_ but pretty good.

Suddenly, Terezi just doesn't cut it. You're not crossing the bridge, just shuffling awkwardly at the base of it.

Okay, think of something else. Emma Watson.

You take a tiny step forward.

Are you kidding me?

You think harder. Sasha Grey. The sickest pornos you've seen. Two girls. Three girls. 

 _Oh god,_ nothing.

But the physical stimulation  _is_ doing something, just not enough.

So now you're in the first quarter of a bridge with no way back and you can't step forward. 

Well, you  _could_ \--

No.

Bad Dave.

 _Bad_ Dave.

Desperate Dave.

No.

Yes.

No.

Is it that bad?

Yes it is.

Its not like she'll ever know.

But you'll always see it in your head.

You're still stroking, and trying so hard  _not_ to think about her inevitably has led to actually  _thinking about her_.

Adn you're sprinting through the imaginary bridge like someone set your ass on fire.

The tips of your toes are tingling. Your hands are shaking. Your back is spazzing. You're breathing heavily and sighing like a virgin on prom night.

 _Oh God, Jade_.

Something falls outside of the room.

You immediately straighten up and pull your pants up, terrified. 

There's no one home, right? You checked. There  _can't_ be anyone home. 

But there is another sound of something falling and the door bursts open and oh god no.

God no.

Please no.

Let it be John.

Please tell me that the mat of black hair is John's.

_Please._

Jade rolls over on her back. She doesn't look at you and she's 28 different shades of red.

Oh no.

You didn't--

You didn't...  _moan_... did you...?

Your throat is sandpaper.

"Harley?" Your voice is a squeak.

Jade shuffles herself standing, still not looking at you.

Oh no oh no oh no oh no

She says nothing. She opens her mouth like a fish. Closes it. Opens it again.

You think you look pretty much the same right now.

None of you speak. Jade turns on her heel and walks out of the door.

You totally noticed that she was wearing the yellow bikini.

Fuck.

* * *

Its four in the morning. 

You can't sleep.

You've been staring at the roof of your room for  _hours_ trying to erase from your head the memory of what happened in the afternoon.

 _Obviously_ you didn't go to the concert. You couldn't face her.

Hell, you don't know if you ever will.

There are embarrassing things in life, and then there's this.

You wouldn't mind being a false DAve at this moment and having another Dave come fix your shit right about this moment.

There is a small breeze, almost imperceptible--

No wait.

There's no breeze.

Then what's that sound?

Is that--?

No, it  _cannot possibly_ be--

You jump from your bed, once again as if someone had set it on fire. It seems there is a metaphorical pyromaniac on the loose with a bone to pick with you.

You leave your room and stare at the door right next to it.

JAde's room.

You know for a fact that feng shui bullshit in this house have the heads of both your beds directly placed against one another, divided by a thin wall.

But that doesn't mean that what you heard is what you heard, right?

Cause you cannot  _possibly_ have heard panting.

Your fingers itch and before you know it they're around the doorknob. You don't dare open it.

And then you hear it.

" _Dave_..."

You freeze. Does she know that you're out here? How?

But you hear it again, and its not a call.

 _Its a sigh_.

No, that's not possible.

No nononononnonoononono

This is your brain fucking with you.

This is your brain making fun of you, right?

This is a dream. You're having another wet dream, right?

You pinch yourself. Its real.

Your hand is closing around the handle.

No, this isn;t possible. She's having a nightmare.

Yeah, a nightmare. You need to wake her up.

You open the door, and now there's a gasp.

So it  _wasn't_ a nightmare.

You stand at the doorframe and she sat up in her bed, both hands quickly resting over she sheets, as if to hide a crime.

"Jade," you squeak. "Sorry... I thought you were having a nightmare."

And  _wow_ this is the dumbest shit you've come up with. Like seriously, if you try, you can't think of something stupider to say. Congratu-fucking-lations Strider, you are the biggest imbecile in the world. Karkat is rolling on the floor right now, just feeling your awkwardness because he fucking knows, alrught? he fucking  _knows_ how much shit you are into right now, because you truly, honestly and from the bottom of your heart, wish to jump off a cliff on a tiiny clown motorcycle.

She covers her face with one hand, absolutely horrified. 

"Oh god, you didn't hear--" But she totally knows you did. "Oh god, no."

And then, just because your brain  _needs to_ surpass the dumbfuck thing you said earlier, you open your mouth again.

"I guess now we're even."

Now picture the scene fro a third person viewpoint.

There is you, standing at the door, the lights of the room are off, but there is the pale moonlight sort of lighting the room a little bit, so mostly you're sure your silhouette can be seen. And then there's her, waist deep in covers, her face covered with one hand, also vaguely illuminated by the moon.

This couldn't be more horrifying if you tried. This is not a challenge for your mouth.

You literally spend about two minutes without saying anything to one another.

"I, uh, I'm gonna go now." You say, because fuck rational thoughts and behaviours.

"Dave, wait." She calls, and you know by the tone of her voice that she has no idea what to do either. "This is really embarrassing."

You laugh once. Mostly out of nerves. "You're telling me."

She laughs too, also out of nerves.

And before you know it you're both cracking up because this situation is just something else.

She ceases laughing and you see her pull her legs up to her chest.

"I'm really going to bed now, mostly because I have no idea of how to react at the moment. But I will cherish this forever, Harley, as the most embarrassing, horrifying and funniest moment of my life."

"No, wait." she calls again, right as you were turning around. "I think..." She starts, "Rose would say that we need to talk about this."

"No, Rose wouldn't say anything because there is no way in God's polluted earth that she'd find out about this." You think for a second. "But if you wanna sort this out to somehow make this less terrible for us, I suppose I'm game."

You flip the light switch on, but otherwise stay put.

Jade clears her throat. "Come sit. Its weird if you just stand there like I've got leprosy."

So you just walk like youre not really the owner of your body, because at this point, you're probably not. You're still sure that this is a dream, pinching be damned.

You sit in the bed next to her, and just  _now_ realize you're in your boxers.

I'm sorry but this is the beginning of a porno.

Jade takes a deep breath. 

"About what just happened..."

You raise a hand. "You don't have to explain. Its hard to resist me in a bathing suit." You say, trying to make light of the situation.

She doesn't laugh, instead, she bites her nails. "I'd never done it before, you know... I mean think about you." You're pretty sure she's blushing. "Its just today when I heard you it kind of stuck with me, okay?"

You scratch the back of your head awkwardly. "I, uh, I'd never thought about you either... You just... look really good in a bathing suit, I guess."

You're both quiet for a few seconds.

"You really think so?" She asks.

"What?"

"That I look good in a bathing suit."

You're wearing your shades because you're a douche, even though you've been looking over them all night.

'Is that a joke? Have you  _seen_ yourself in the mirror? Are your glasses broken?"

Jade laughs a little and is suddenly quiet. You  _really_ want to break the tension.

She clears  her throat, cause obviously she's got way more balls than you. "Its been months since I broke up with Karkat."

You raise an eyebrow. "Yeah, its been a while since I broke up with Ter too."

Jade clears her throat again. You're noticing that she does that a lot when she's nervous. "What I mean is that... Its been... a while."

You still completely,. Is she saying what you think she's saying? "Since?"

"Since.. you know." She fixes her hair. She's blushing.  You don't respond. Mostly out of flabbergastedness. "Since I've been with anyone."

You look at her carefully. "I guess me too." You reply, even though you don;t know why. You're looking in her direction, and she slowly raises her gaze to meet yours.

And thn it happens.

You're both pulled to one another by something that must have been electricity. You kiss her, not sweetly, but wth possession and passion and the need of a man who's been living in an awful dryspell. You push her back into the bed and climb on top of her.

In retur she's just as fierce. She kisses you like someone who  _knows_ what she's doing and how to get what she wants. She's strong and firm and her lips are soft, and you think for a second that it she pretty much kisses just the way she is. Sweet and rough and wonderful.

Her hands find the waistband of your boxers so quickly it makes your head spin. In return your hand flies under her shirt until you find a breast and give it a good, gentle squeeze. Jade lets out a little shriek and laughs. You're smiling when you let go of her lips. 

"Shh... John and Rose will hear us."

She's still laughing when she buries her face in your neck and turns you over so that she's on top. She grinds her hips against yours once, and you  _immediately_ feel it react. She laughs again.

"Is it that easy to get you going?" She jokes.

You want to laugh, but retain the cool guy status. "Only for hot girls."

You spin her over again so that she's under you, and quickly begin kissing her neck. There is every sort of bug and bird jumping around in your stomach and its the best feeling you've ever had. Being with Terezi never made you feel like this.

Jade still laughs, covering her mouth with her hand as your kisses tickle her neck, and your fingers start tickling her belly as well, and she laughs even harder. You are drunk on the sound.

Jade pushes you off of her and crosses her arms in front of her chest to remove her shirt, leaving her only in her underwear.

 _Dang_ that woman looks good.

You mirror her and throw your shirt over hers on the floor, and fall back into steamy makeout. You pull her towards you, and have her sit on your lap while you trail kisses down her chin and chest until you reach her breasts, and lick one roughly, just to gauge her reaction.

"Oh, Dave," she moans hard, and you figure this is a pretty good reaction, so you continue to kiss and lick and bite softly until you're sure that you've touched every centimetre of her flesh with your mouth. Meanwhile, she pulls your hair gently and bites your ear playfully, and even as you kiss her chest you let out inevitable groans of pleasure.

You throw your weight forward and you both fall against her back on the bed, now kissing like you're sharing oxygen. Your hand slowly runs up her thighs, testing the grounds. When she allows you, your fingers find exactly the right spot in her underwear to rub. So you do. Softly at first, and then faster and more firmly. She doesn't let out moans as much as they are perfectly ripped from her throat. You feel a little perverse, and you love it.

"Isn't it much better when you let me do it?" You whisper into her ear.

"Oh god, yes," she moans, "Yes, definitely."

You continue, slowing down at first to tease her, and then speeding up to drive her nuts. It takes her nothing to go over the edge and arch her back against the bed and press your chest against you. You can't help a satisfied, shit-eating smirk.

"That looked good," you muse while she pants for breath. In a moment, she smiles and throws you on your back, straddling your hips.

"Don't worry, I'll return the favor." And she begins grinding against you and  _oh god_ yes.

This feels like a game of pingpong, you guys throwing each other back and forth, but hey, its how you roll, so you throw her on her back one more time and rip her underwear down her legs and throw it across the room. She hooks her thumbs under your waistband and pulls your boxers too. You shuffle awkwardly out of them and she throws them to the side, both of you falling into a perfect melt of kissing once again, this time all of you touching her.

You let go of her mouth for a second. "Fuck."

Jade is panting. "What?"

"Condoms?"

"Pill."

"Perfect."

You go back to kissing her fiercely, and she rubs her thighs against your crotch and it is  _celestial_.

In fact, its so good that you really can't handle it anymore.

"Jade," you croak, but she already knows.

"Do it." She commands and you do.

You imagine this is what a puzzle piece feels, if puzzle pieces  _could_ feel, when they get attached to one another. It feels wonderful and complete and oh my god so good.

You don;t even wait for her to give you a signal. She's moaning and you're groaning and there is no communication save the parts of you that are connected to one another. You begin thrusting, slowly at first, and impatiently as time passes.

Jade moans, and its like the gas that keeps you going. You hav  _no idea_ how it can feel  _this good_ to be with someone whose your friend, but it does, and you don't ever want to feel something else.

You twist, and moan and groan and flip and move until you've faced every direction in the bed. You are holding her down, face up, by the wrists, and there is something about her flushed skin that drives you under the edge.

Until you're gone.

And so is she.

It takes you a full eternity to come back from the high and you fall limp on top of her. She laughs.

"Ew, you're all sweaty." She pants, not without humor.

"You're not exactly clean yourself, Harley," she giggles.

You pull out and lie in bed next to her. An odd wave of sincerity overcomes you.

"That is literally the best sex I've ever had." You say. "You're better than my fantasies."

Jade laughs loudly. "I could say the same."

You both lay in bed, looking at the roof, and something compels you to pull her over your chest. She fits perfectly against your sternum and sighs happily. Her hair smells like a summer breeze.

"Hey DAve?"

"Hm?"

"Do you wanna stay home tomorrow when John and Rose go to the beach?"

You smile fully, knowing she can't see you.

"Best offer I've gotten all day."

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't a follow up. This is just a flip perspective of the earlier chapter, because my friend Psychopyro wanted it and i live to please <3

You'd never gone on a trip to the beach like this, its so exciting!

I mean, you never thought  _going to the beach_ was a trip because you were always just sort of surrounded by beach, and there's not really much of a trip there, am I right?

But handpicking your 3 best friends and staying at a rented house for a couple of days is more exciting than anything you've ever done, and that includes exploring by yourself!!

John, Rose and you went ahead to the fair by the water, and everything is so exciting!! You've bought a new piece for your bathing suit and several design conches. So many, in fact, that you can't really keep on carrying them all day.

"I'm gonna go home and leave this," you say, and John smiles goodnaturedly. Rose looks... amused. You're scared to ask. "I'll see you guys in a few, oh, and I'll see if I can drag Dave's way-too-cool-for-school ass over too!"

So you run home, conches bustling against one another with the sound of your steps.

If only you'd known the shitfest that you were heading towards.

* * *

You step into the house. Dave said he'd be sleeping, so you should probably keep it down. You tiptoe your way across the house and head towards your room, using the hallway that passes right in front of Dave's room.

Maybe he's awake, you think, and press your ear against the door, holding all your conches inside your towel to make a little makeshift bag.

There's a sigh.

Oh, he probably  _is_ asleep.

You retract, giving up, when you hear another sigh, this one a little louder.

A little...  _groanier_.

You step back immediately. Oh god, is he...?

You step closer once again and press your ear against the door, hearing him more clearly. There is a gentle slapping-like sound in between sighs which are indistinctively pleasurable.

Yep. Okay. That's definitely the case. Yup. Dave's having some me-time and you are  _not_ just about to interrupt him while he's clearly at it. 

You shift your makeshift bag a little and step back, and that's when you hear it.

" _Oh god... Jade.._ "

And that's when you dropped your shit.

You freak out, pulling the tied towel once again into your arms, but are so flustered and horrified that you actually trip on those god-forsaken sandals you don't even know why you're wearing. Jesus christ, sandals are the worst. They're so much worse than mummies.

So you know, you dropped your bag and you tripped on your sandals, and of course you fell face first against the door. 

The unlocked door.

You enter the room unceremoniously, aided by gravity. When you raise your head and see the horror in Dave's eyes you just know.

He knows you know.

You shuffle until you stand and awkwardly leave the room without another word.

* * *

Dave didn't come to the concert, and you've got a pretty good idea why.

Frankly, you're as embarrassed as he is, if not more. 

He was thinking about  _you_.

Who knows what kind of kinky shit you were doing in his dream! Who knows what he thinks about every time he looks at you now!

Oh god, this is so wrong!

There  _is_ a part of you that's piqued, though.

How  _long_ has he had these thoughts about you?

Let's be honest, you'd had a crush when you were 13, but that was it. You got over it, started dating Karkrab (your little nickname for him) and that was that. Dave and you never went past the friendzone. Or at least you thought you hadn't.

You're pretty sure that touching yourself while thinking about that person is not what friends do. 

99% sure.

So you're in bed, staring at the ceiling at 4 in the morning trying to come to terms with everything that's happened and one intrusive thought continues bubbling into your head.

Was it...  you know... good?

Did he... enjoy... your image?

Cause god help you, you can;t get that thought out of your head. Every time you try to think about something else it comes back to the fact that he was thinking about you, and that it  _sounded_ like it was good and that--

No, don't go there.

Harley, behave.

Just--

You sigh and cover your face with your hands.

Is it that terrible for you to... picture him? Like his face?

You're just trying to figure what his face looked like... when he was in such... pleasure.

Is it that wrong?

_YES IT IS._

Okay, okay, its bad.

So why is it that you're feeling a quickening in your lower belly? You haven't felt that for months. Its like there's a hamster tickling your belly from the inside, and you recognize that warmth,  _and_ that feeling.

Oh god no, you  _cannot_ do the same as he did.

...Can you...?

 _Level the fields_ , one side says.

 _Don't you dare_ , says the other.

Meanwhile your right hand just sort of takes charge of the situation and tells the brain to stuff it.

Oh boy, you just know this isn't gonna end well, but you know you've got an itch that's got to be scratched.

You just hope your bad feeling is wrong.

Silly Harley. You should know by now that your bad feeling is never wrong.

 

 


End file.
